Being

Processing this place in which I currently find myself with church. If you’re not into transparency, you may want to close this page now and read something else. I need to be real.

As a former “pastor’s wife” - a role I lived in for around a decade - so many things about church became askew, imbalanced. I dismissed the growth of this pathology. But, as all tumors have potential for, it did some damage. I take full responsibility for allowing this because as a child of God, I’m a victorious person who holds the power of her own choices. I chose this, even if blindly.

Next month, September 2020, marks the one year anniversary of our God-ordained exodus from being church pastor/pastor’s wife. By the way, I really don‘t identify by that title, it just seems to come with the territory when your husband is a pastor. That’s a conversation for another time. I’m just saying we don’t expect doctor’s wives to show up with their husbands at our appointments, nor do we require teacher’s husbands to attend the school day with their spouses. Yet, it is expected of a pastor’s spouse to be there alongside the pastor, serving their guts out while smiling and shiny looking, ready to wipe tables or baby’s bottoms, teach Sunday school, lead Bible study, go to youth camp, and keep the pastor happy, by all means! Well, that feels good to address even though I didn’t expect it. Haha! I’m keeping it here. Do with it what you will. Just please recognize the spouse of your pastor as a person with his/her own identity. My hat is off concerning that role. Only God knows what the future holds for us, but even if my husband is called to church leadership again someday - even as a pastor - his wife is just his wife.

Anyway, my pursuit is something like this: How is church really biblically supposed to be lived out? What’s the meaning of the way we “church” now? What is the Church, according to God? And here’s what burns in my heart, Why, oh why, is the church abandoning so much about being the Church and how do we remedy this epidemic?

I don’t know yet, but I‘m on this quest to learn and live the answers to these questions; to be the church through Christ for God’s glory. Who’s with me? Maybe you’ve had similar thoughts or share some of these concerns. I wonder what questions you have on this subject, how you would describe the burning in your heart for God’s Church.

I’m not speaking of any particular church nor am I criticizing any church or The Church, unless I’m being critical of myself. See, I acknowledge I’ve been part of the problem and I admit I no longer want to spin in that cycle. I’m a solution-focused girl and God is the solution to all things, especially His Body, His Church, His Bride. That’s what I do know. God knows. Seek Him and we will find Him. He will always make Himself known to us, be available to us, help us find Him. God always gives God.

I’ve been reading and listening, watching and studying everything I can grab regarding this subject of “being the church” - no more merely church doing, church going. Let’s get being!

David Platt has a series that’s helping me called, Secret Church. I’ll share some things as I process. He quotes the definition of church as being “a body of people called by God’s grace through faith in Christ to glorify Him by serving Him in this world.“ Hebrews 12:22-24 - church is an earthly assembly with a heavenly destiny. Throughout Scripture the Church is referred to as a temple, people, family, bride, field, tree, priesthood, body... even a building (dwelling place of God) but not the brick and mortar kind. Yet, we Christians associate church with the building we go to a few times a week to see other Christians and gather to worship. And we call it good. That gathering is only part of church.

We gather to glorify God by serving this world. This is the part we are not living out so well. This is the part I’m determined to live into even if it means I go to the building less. I desperately want to live it well, to glorify God in all the church things, especially in my relationship with the Church. We are family after all and we have eternity together, so we might as well figure out how to function together.

This morning I woke with the strong sense of selfishness by which I live too much of my life. I have so much to learn about living in Christ! I do know I can’t save myself or rid myself of my selfishness. Only Jesus! Christ alone can save us and change us, redeem us and set us right with God. Only Jesus can help His Church, His Body, His Bride. Are we giving Him permission to be Lord of not only our individual temples, but also Lord over our local churches and church experiences? The answer, by my observation, is not yet. We can, however, change and grow into the true fellowship of believers as described throughout the Word of God, led by the Spirit of God.

Hebrews 10:19-25. As recipients of a new covenant with God through His Son, we are members of a new community. So we come to God together with sincere hearts, assured faith, cleansed and purified by Holy Jesus. We HOPE together. And, we GATHER together. We don’t give up doing that as I’m really wanting to do these days. We encourage each other now and all the more as we approach that marvelous Day when Christ comes to take His Church Home.

Talk about conviction and courage! I admit I struggle. I’m learning about myself and my Lord as I embark on this quest with far more complaints than questions when I started. I think we are approaching a little more balance there now. God approves of this place I’m in because He knows my heart and does not run away when I’m struggling. His kindness draws me out of darkness into Light. Everything exposed to light looks less menacing, brings life to the dead, and reveals truth that frees us.

How can we BE the Church by God’s design? I don’t know yet. But I’m not shrinking back, I’m pressing on towards that prize. I do know I love God and people. I do know there are so many needs only Jesus can meet and His plan is for us to participate as vessels for Him to do so. We, the Church, need to improve greatly here. I believe we Christians who “go to church” regularly, forget our place and need to reprioritize our purpose for going - to start BEING the Church everywhere. I believe God’s intent is for the church to show Him to the world (Ephesians 3:10). Stuck sitting in brick and mortar buildings hides that light. Following Christ’s example means going, meeting people at the wells, where they are; being the Church together outside the walls. Let’s get being!